What does a parent say?

[drew]

Last week in Canada, two boys where abducted by a convicted child molester.

After a few days, they were found, and after a ten hour standoff the accused gave himself up.

680news.com/news/local/article.jsp?content=20060802_150651_5648

The question I have, is what do the parents of the children do now?
I mean you can teach your kids about not talking to strangersa, about staying out of harms way...but it happens from time to time...kids do get abducted.
There's no question as to weather or not these kids were abused.

What is aprent to teach their children to do if they ever get abducted? A ten year old is no match for a grown man--should they try their best to fight them off? Or should they give it?

How does a parent help heal the childs wounds?

[Menolly]

Here in the states we have several courses on this subject, and lots of websites available to us. Parents have to remain vigilant of their children when at the playground, and must teach them not to go off with someone asking for help to find a puppy or some such as soon as they can understand.

Stranger Danger
Lesson Plan

As far as what the parents should say to children who were abducted and returned safely? I'm afraid the entire family should go into counseling for that one. It's just too horrific to approach sanely, IMO.

[Avatar]

A very difficult one indeed. Counselling is probably a very good idea. Beyond that, being supporting is really all you can do I suppose. Show by example I guess.

--A

[sgt.null]

well at the time i was abused (early 70's) my parents were tole to levae it be. worked for me. but i would not reccomend it for anyone else. i was young enough (5-6) to simply block it.

let your child feel safe telling you anything. don't judge. be prepared for all the emotions. anger, fear, self-pity, disgust...

and be there always.

and everyone can write to their lawmakers expressing how you feel about coddeling molesters and continuing to let them roam about to re-molest.

[duchess of malfi]

Teach them, as Menolly said.

And if the worst happens, make as sure as humanly possible that they know that the crime done to them was not their fault. And make sure they know how loved they are! And yes, the whole family should get the best help available.

[Elfgirl]

How about the cops put these dirty f**kers in a real jail with real crims who will beat the everliving snot out of them? Publish names and addresses of ALL KNOWN PEDOPHILES. Ostracise them from any community. I don't give a flying flipeth about their frikking human rights. They are NOT human if they have to take their sicko fantasies out on innocent kids. And I dare ANYONE to say otherwise.

Don't give me any crap about pedophiles needing 'support' for their 'illness'. They need their dicks cut off and their brains scrambled. If they are out of the way, then kids and parents can feel safer.

I'm sick of namby-pamby do-gooders protecting criminals at the expense of the innocent. Human rights for these bastards should no longer apply.

now let me tell you how i REALLY feel about child molesters.

[Menolly]

However, the question addressed in this thread is what do we say to a child who does come back from this situation, or what do we say to our children to try and prevent it from ever happening. I like Duchess' point about reinforcing to these kids that what happened to them is not their fault!

[SoulQuest1970]

So far I have refrained from this topic because it hits awfully close to home for me, but I must say I agree with Elfgirl and Cail here. It is quite different for the victim to one day be able to forgive the other person, but the molestor is sick and I doubt there is anything that can be done to fix them. I was able to forgive and wrote a letter to my abuser. That was not for him, it was for me.

As for what should a parent say... First they should let the child know they love them and that they did nothing wrong. They should get counseling for the child and be loving and supportive during the recovery process. There are no words that will make it better, but there are words that can make it a lot worse. Beyond that, it just takes time.

[drew]

Okay well the seconsd part of the question is answered...but what of the the first part?

I know how to teach my kids how to stay out of danger..but what if danger finds them? What if they are abducted? What if they are still to small to fight back? What should they do DURING the abduction/Abuse?

It's the scariest thing to think about, I know; but what do you say,
"Okay kids, don't talk to strangers, but if a stranger grabs you and throws in the trunk of his car, and takes you to an abondond farm then......"

WHAT?

[sgt.null]

drew: once the stranger gets the kid to the car its usually too late. so they teach kids to scream, "you're not my mommy/daddy" too many sick f@cks have no intention of ever letting the kid go...

[drew]

But that's what I'm wondering about...not how to avoid being nabbed, I want to tell my kids what to do if they are nabbed. What to do if they are being asaulted.

Is there anything to tell them?

[sgt.null]

well start on the not nabbing part.
travel in packs.
use the buddy system. (one goes to the bathroom, another goes, etc)
whistles around the neck to use if nabbed.
scream, hit, punch, escape.
never go anywhere alone. sad but true.
NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS. even if they say they are cops, detectives, etc.
never believe that parents sent a stranger to pick you up.
go nowhere with strangers, ever.

what soem call paranoid, I call being safe.

[drew]

Yes yes, I know...but some children can still get nabbed...those kids up here were driving bikes together (one of them was 14) in a subburg in the daytime.

It can happen...even by using all the safety measures you can.

[dlbpharmd]

When our oldest was about 2 years old, my wife and/or I would use an arm leash, one end on my wrist and the other on my daughter's. Anytime we were in a public place, we always knew where she was. We were at the Memphis Zoo once, and were approached by some idiot lady who told us that she thought it was just awful that we had our daughter on a leash. My reply: "Maybe so, but I always know where she is and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's going home with us when we leave."

[drew]

When we lived in the City; we used a full harness for our oldest.

We had moved top the country before the other two came along--we still supervise them driving their bikes, and they can only drive in ours or our neighbor's driveway.

And we encourage them to stick to the backyard when playing--there is nothing beyond our backyard except for tree and the Ocean.

The bus stop is a three minute walk from our front door, and they won't drop kids off unless their parent or babysitter is waiting.

--but still-Something could happen--hell their school only has a hundred kids, and it's beside a church, and fenced in...but it's possible that someone, at som point could drive up, leave their car running and grab one of them and drive off before any teacher saw anything--what then?

I'm assuming that everyone is avoiding the answer for the same reason I'm asking it...they don't know! Or they want to avoid thinking about it.

[duchess of malfi]

Your question is what to do if they are nabbed:

I am sitting across the desk from a federal police officer right now!

She says:

MAKE NOISE!!!!!

They must scream their heads off, if old enough they should fight, kick, bite - gouge eyes, hit vitals, but the most important thing is too MAKE NOISE!!!!!

SCREAM!!! YELL!!!! SCREAM!!!!!! And don't stop even if the person hits you or threatens you - once they have you, the best chance you have is to raise a huge ruckus.

She also says that one thing people like this do is to try to lure children with pets - saying their pet is lost, asking for help finding their kitten or puppy, etc.

[Elfgirl]

How many of you would step up to the plate to rescue a kid who was screaming for help? I know I would be in there fists, teeth and boots!

I am sickened at the thought that bastards like this are not identified and SHOT ON SIGHT.

The fact that we have to fill these little innocent heads with ways to protect themselves, how to 'be aware' of 'stranger danger' - it's so f*cking SAD!!!

What happened to kids relying on the police, teachers, mums, dads, uncles, siblings PROTECTING them - crikey, who do you trust these days, considering the amount of 'molesting' sometimes comes from within family circles as well as "stranger danger"???

What sick f*ck society have we become?

[sgt.null]

sorry, could have been more clear. during the abduction, do as Duchess says. if still nabbed the child must look for any means of escape. run away at any given chance. go into a store demanding they call the police. scream then, make noise, anything. the people at the store will call 9/11. teach the child that they must be clear that they have been kidnapped, that the person after them is not their parent.

[Menolly]

Drew, did you read the links I posted in my first response? One of them is from a victim with a list of ideas of what to do if in the situation. Suggestions run from dropping to the floorboards of the car and trying to disable the vehicle to sticking fingers in the abductors eyes to blind them, etc.

I remember the story a few years ago about a teen who was stuffed into the trunk of a car. She somehow managed to pop a tail light out of the car and was dangling her hand out of the light hole until a cop pulled the car over.

[Elfgirl]

Id' say learn some simple self-defence techniques. An ex-bf of mine taught me some easy tae-kwon do things to do to break the assailant's wrists or at least wind them long enough for you to make a very NOISY escape...

personally, I like to carry a non-folding umbrella...and use it as a sword.