Observations From Inside Your Local Espresso Machine

[Plissken]

I haven't been in here in a while, but I have a question:

Is there something inherent in the successful acquisition of wealth that kills off brain cells?

Listen:

I fix espresso machines for a living. My work takes me all over the Northwest, and more importantly, into every kind of community you can imagine. (Seriously. For those of you who do not yet have a Starbucks inside your grocery store, with another one in the parking lot, and a couple of Mom n' Pop carts within spitting distance of those - it just hasn't happened yet.)

Here's the interesting thing:

If I'm in a cafe (or grocery store, or bookstore, or church, or...) fixing an espresso machine, and the town I'm in is the only civilization for 50-100 miles, I'll hear this at least once before I'm done:

"Hey! I saw the Espresso Guy's van out in the parking lot! Are you guys having trouble? 'Cause I can come back later..."

Compare this to the repeated (word-for-word and ad nauseum, in fact)conversations I hear (and sometimes engage in) in some of our more affluent suburbs:

Barista: "I'm sorry, our machine is down for maintenance. That means that we cannot make anything with espresso or steamed milk for about an hour. We can still make regular coffee, tea..."

Customer: "You're Starbucks and you can't get me my latte?"

Barista: "I'm sorry, no. I can give you a coupon for the Starbuck's out in the parking lot for the inconvenience, but we won't be able to steam milk or make espresso for a little while."

Customer: "No, no. That's alright. Can you make a mocha?"

Plis (From inside the espresso machine): "Why yes! Putting that little shot of chocolate sauce in the bottom of the cup changes EVERYTHING!"

Barista: "..."

Barista: "I'm sorry, no. That would also have espresso and steamed milk in it. We do have some frozen drinks we can make - "

Customer: "SIGH! Okay, I guess I'll just have a (withering look) hot chocolate."

Pliss: "Funny, you've got a lot of books here..."


Customer: "What did he say?"

Pliss: (Pops head out up from inside machine) "Hi!"

Barista: "Ma'am/Sir, that also has the steamed milk. But I'm sure they can get you whatever you need at the Starbucks in the parking lot. Let me give you this coupon..."

Customer: "I just don't understand. You're Starbucks"...

And so on.

So, what's the deal?

[balon!]

It's conversations like that that PISSES me off that 'effing Starbucks killed the Dancing Goat cafe.

I refuse to drink at that damn place.


:EDIT:

Okay, I've taken some calming breathes.

I don't know what it is that makes people more stupid, but I have a feeling it has to do with all the instant gratification we're surrounded with. People arent used to having delays or walking a few feet to another shop. In fact, they're not only not used to it, but they loathe it. They get angry.

Which is especially bad when you throw in something like cars. Thats when car wrecks start happening.

[Plissken]

I think we've still got the coffee down here in the PDX, but I don't think we've ever had the Dancing Goat cafe's.

Regardless, it doesn't matter if it's a Starbuck's - except that, at the non-corporate cafe's, the baristas are likely to go find something else to do while the machine is being fixed.

In rural/underprivileged communities, this means the customers generally either want to discuss whatever work I'm doing or when they should come back.

On Portland's westside (or, gawd-help-me, in Lake Oswego) however, they generally que up to clear their throats with increasing indignation at whatever body parts of mine are on the outside of the machine.

[lucimay]

the answer (between giggles at that entire exchange) the answer to your question Pliss ( ) is.... maybe....

but what REALLY kills off brain cells is LACK OF CAFFEINE!!!!

WHEN YOU NEED IT YOU NEED IT!!!! (and i've obviously had some tonight, since its 2:14 a.m.)

[Plissken]

Hey, I'm a mess until I get the morning's first machine fixed enough to sample the product - but even that doesn't make me enough of a moron to suggest that repairs should be done in the off-hours -

Pliss: "Ma'am, there would be no one to notice that the machine wasn't functioning properly -- much less let me in to fix it -- when the store is closed. Now, we could just close the store down until after hours tonight, but then I'd likely be asleep when some other machine broke down somewhere else tomorrow. It'd just be a vicious cycle."

(There are larger issues to explore here, there really are, I swear. But I'm making with the Sad-But-True/Funny right now.)

[Avatar]

I think Balon has something there though...it's not that people are necessarily stupid, its just that instant gratification and the ridiculous notion that the customer is always right have made it difficult for people to even percieve obstacles in fulfilling their desires.

The disparity between rural/sub-urban/affluent/whatever areas can probably be ascribed to the pace of life.

(I dunno...I'm just groping for any explanation that doesn't force me to suggest that maybe most people are just idiots...but then I'm a misanthrope anyway so... )

--A

[lucimay]

right.

i think i've seen this mindset before.

you know what I do right? returns manager for a high end shoe retailer (catalog division).
it goes something like this:

thankyouforcallingBerenShoes, this is cyndi howcanihelp you?

i need to return my shoes, they're defective.

uh huh, okay. what exactly is the problem mam?

well...one's bigger than the other but i didn't know it and wore them to my sister in laws funeral, i just had them on for an hour, and you know my sister in law was sick for a very long time, and i'm sick too and my husband is dead.

oh! i'm so sorry to hear that mam. uh...so what's the defect on the shoe?

huh?

the defect mam...what seems to be the problem with the shoe?

you know i've been wearing Ferragamo's since christ wore knickers and i have NEVER EVER returned a pair of shoes in my life but this shoe just does not fit me.

um hmm, so...what's the defect?

and i have this hammer toe and bunion problem.

mam, what size do you wear?

8 and a half quadruple A. but i had to buy the 8 and a half B cause you didn't have a quad A and it's too big.

so the shoe is too wide for you mam?

yes and i've been wearing Ferragamos since heck was a pup too.
and you know we cain't get narrows down here in bumf*ck florida anymore. no body is carrying them. thats why i always get my shoes from you.

uh huh, so...the defect?

huh?

what's wrong with the shoe mam?

well it doesn't fit. i'm gonna have to send it back to you.

but you've worn the shoe.

yes but only to my sister in law's wedding for an hour.

i thought you said it was your sister in law's funeral?

no its her wedding. i bought them to go with the dress i'm wearing but the color is not right. i'm gonna have to return them, can you send me a prepaid return lable?

well mam, we only do that if there's a factory defect in the shoe.

well it IS defective, it doesn't fit. i need a narrow and you don't have anymore, i talked to somebody yesterday and they said you don't have anymore.

mam, if the shoe is worn, it's not returnable for full refund or exchange.

listen i've been buying my shoes from Neiman Marcus for two thirds of a century young lady and you always take my shoes back. now let me speak to a manager.

mam...this is Beren Shoes.

what? i don't like you, let me speak to Mr. Neiman. he knows me.

mam, this is not Neiman Marcus, this is Arthur Beren Shoes.

WHAT? Arthur Beren?

yes mam, Beren Shoes.

Well why didn't you tell me that?

Click.

[Avatar]

Oh I feel your pain. We're without a receptionist at the moment, so lucky me gets to answer the damn phone at work.

--A

[dlbpharmd]

OMG this is a funny thread .... a similar exchange happens in a pharmacy when the electricity is out (thank God I'm not in community/retail pharmacy anymore):

Lady walks into completely dark pharmacy: Why are the lights out?

dlb: The electricity is out.

Lady: Did you pay your bill?

dlb: Yes ma'am.

Lady: Well I need to pick up my blood pressure pills.

dlb: Did you call it in earlier?

Lady: No, I just always come in and tell you and you fill them for me.

dlb: I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't fill them for you right now.

Lady: Why not?

dlb: The electricity is out.

Lady: So?

dlb: The computer with your profile doesn't work without electricity.

Lady. Oh. Well, just put a few of my pills in a bottle for me and I'll come back tomorrow.

dlb: Sure. What do you take for your blood pressure?

Lady: I don't know. They're white pills.

dlb: We have lots of white pills, ma'am......

[High Lord Tolkien]

LOL, Pliss you should check out a few of my Retail Sucks threads.
Although you're not in retail exactly you get to hear what goes on with customer interaction.
You should thank God that you can hide behind a machine!
Wealth has nothing to do with it either.
I think in life we try to avoid stupid people and in choosing our friends and work or just by walking away we can keep stupidity away to some extent.
But in retail you're trapped!
They just keep coming through the door and you can't walk away.
You have to engage them.
Customers are like Terminators.
THEY JUST WON"T STOP UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!


It's a hot and humid 95 degree day.
You're stuck behind the register for 8 hours.
the 300th customer has just told you that "It's hot out today" and your head just exploded from holding back screaming "I KNOW......!"

And I won't even mention the conditions of the public bathrooms in a retail store.

[Cail]

Try dealing with contractors....

Jim-Why in the Hell is my lumber next to the house?

Cail-Well Jim, my delivery driver figured since you were going to use the lumber to build the house, that was probably a good place for it, and Jorge (the head framer) said that was where he wanted it.

Jim-Jorge? Are you f*cking kidding me? Why the Hell would you listen to that f*cking idiot?

Cail-Jim, are you telling me that you don't want my guys listening to your guys when they deliver stuff?

Jim-Absolutely not! Just call me on my f*cking Nextel, I'm always available.

One week to the day later....

Jim-Jesus f*cking Christ, why the Hell isn't my delivery here?

Cail-Well Jim, we tried to send it this morning, but we couldn't get ahold of you. Given the issues we had last week, I figured it'd be best to confirm where you wanted the delivery, rather than just dumping it.

Jim-Un-be-f*cking-lievable! There's 12 goddamn Guatemalans standing around at the job, you couldn't f*cking ask one of them?

Cail-But Jim, you told me not to listen to them last week.

*click*

I love my paycheck, but I work with some challenging people.

[Plissken]

Heh. This venting is doing me wonders. I think the theme here is that a sense of entitlement can almost literally blind someone to what's going on around them.

Overheard in our most affluent suburb:

Customer: "This latte has coffee in it! Why does everyone but my Housestaff put coffee in my latte?"

Pliss: "I can't imagine."

[Cameraman Jenn]

Well I run an auto repair shop.

Customer: "Is my car ready yet?"

Jenn: "You just dropped it off an hour ago, I told you that I would probably be able to look at it in an hour. As soon as I get to figure out what the problem is, I will call you and give you the estimate for the repair and a more accurate guesstimate of when it will be ready."

Customer: "It will be ready today right?"

Jenn: " I am not sure, it's going to depend on what we find to be the problem and also the availability of parts."

Customer: " Well, I really need the car back tonight because I have to drive to Tahoe tomorrow."

Jenn: " I will do the best I can for you"

Jenn thinking: Why in the hell would you wait until the day before your trip into the mountains to have your brakes looked at because they are making a grinding noise?"

[Avatar]

Haha, to be honest, I think this might do even better in Gen Disc. The Close is sorta on the path less travelled...

--A

[Zarathustra]

A cheap Walmart espresso machine costs less than $50. I can't believe the mighty Starbucks wouldn't have a backup. As expensive as their drinks are, they'd easily pay for the backup every single time their main machine broke down.

[Plissken]

A Starbucks machine costs about $14K. Maintenance costs about 2-3K per year, and repairs are billed at about $1.20 >grins< a minute for labor alone.

(And that $50 Wal Mart machine is a glorified, impractical drip coffee maker - and is only good for about 300 "shots" of drip coffee before it has to be replaced.)

[Cameraman Jenn]

Here's one of my favorite convos with a customer:

Ralph: If my wife brings the car in can you look at it right away while she waits?

Jenn: Well, the diagnostic can take anywhere from half an hour to two hours and then if we need to order parts there will be a waiting time before we get the parts and then more time needed to install the parts. It's best if she leaves it or she might be here all day.

Ralph: But BUT my wife has NO way of getting anywhere in the city without her car, she has to wait! We need the car back right away.

Jenn: Ralph, did you just say your wife has NO way to get anywhere without her car?

Ralph: Yes, she needs the car otherwise she is stuck.

Jenn: Ralph, correct me if I am wrong but don't you OWN Town Taxi? And you are telling me your wife can't get anywhere without her own car?

Ralph: *long pause* yes, ok, fine, I'll arrange for her to drop the car off.

[Plissken]

It takes however long it's going to take. I won't know how long that is until you move, so I can actually open up the machine.

[Fist and Faith]

Pliss: "Funny, you've got a lot of books here..."

[Plissken]

I was wondering when someone would catch that!