Should I receive Confirmation? Advice needed

[Lord Mhoram]

Now that I'm 16 in a Catholic family, the time has come to make a key decision in my spiritual life: Should I be Confirmed into the Catholic Church?

My mother's side of my family is staunchly Catholic. I am particularly close to these relatives. My dad is not Catholic, and neither is his family. My materanl family obviously wants for me to be Confirmed. Make no mistake though: I would not be forced by any member of my family to be Confirmed. Still, the pressure is there.

But ultimately, it's up to me, and I have some major issues with the Catholic Church and Christianity in general. The hulking bureaucracy and medieval philosophy of Roman Catholicism has created such things as the sexual abuse scandal which hit where I live very hard. As I have said on the board before, I also do not believe in papal infallibility nor a concept of hell.

If my major problem with Confirmation were mere disagreements with the Church itself, I would go through Confirmation with no question. (You may or may not agree with this.)

But it's deeper than that for me. As of late, I have been examining myself spiritually, my beliefs. I have recently taken informative and enjoyable classes on Scripture and the Gospels. I have come to an important conclusion in my spirituality: In my opinion, Jesus Christ was a wise and spiritual Jewish prophet and teacher who can guide one to the path of salvation but he was not, I don't believe, the divine Son of God.


I know too much about ancient history especially from that era, and I know too much about first-century Judaism to accept that. I doubt that Christ himself would have accepted that. Since this is not the thread for the discussion of Christ's divinity, nor a discussion of St. Paul's teachings versus Jesus', suffice to say that I don't believe in the essential teaching of Christianity: God's divine Son is Jesus Christ.

In addition, why is Christianity, as it preaches, the only way to salvation? This is something else I cannot accept.

In essence, here is my question: Should I just go through with my Confirmation to appease my family, or do it just in case I change my mind later and regret not having been confirmed at this time in my life? It's an important decision for me, and I'm posting it here because I find it sort of uncomfortable to discuss with my family, and I respect and love many of you guys and I hope that you can provide some advice.

Thank you.

[duchess of malfi]

Not being Catholic myself, I guess my first question would be -- is this something that has to be done now? Is it something that you can do later on in your life if/when you feel more comfortable with the Church and/or Christian beliefs?

My heart says that you should not do something like this unless you can do it joyfully...

But I also do not know how upset not doing it will make your family?

[Lord Mhoram]

duchess,

is this something that has to be done now? Is it something that you can do later on in your life if/when you feel more comfortable with the Church and/or Christian beliefs?

It does not have to be done now, I'm almost sure. But again comes the pressure - it is customary, at least around here, for someone raised Catholic to do it at this age. Plus the vast majority of my friends and peers will be doing it this year.

But I also do not know how upset not doing it will make your family?

I'm not exactly sure either. Part of me says they'll be accepting if I choose not to, while another part of me thinks they'll be quietly disapproving. Again, it is more pressure of family and tradition than outright force.

[lurch]

...Yea ,,thats rite ..just do it..Later ,,when you 've moved out of the house,,and are paying your own way,,making your own decisions..you can dump the whole concept if you choose...When asked why,,remember to tell them that you were just 16,,what did you know about anything at 16? and that you really didnt have a choice,,you were brainwashed...Or..You may decide to become a Priest...Keep your options open..It can't hurt you...MEL

[High Lord Tolkien]

From past posts of mine you might know how I feel so this might come as a surprise but I'd say just do it.
If for nothing less than just to make your Mom happy.
It's not like you're going to be "changed" or anything like TC was walking into the Banefire.
I took precana(spelling?) with my wife so we could be married in a Catholic church.
Like you I had many of the same reservations.
But I just kept my mouth shut and made my wife-to-be happy.

You're only 16 (Which shocks me. You post older!) so you have plenty of time to question and grow into the religious person that suits you.
Being confirmed doesn't "lock you in" for life unless you let it.

Plus if I remember correctly depending on your family tradition you'll be receiving a fair number of checks that day!

[Lord Mhoram]

HLT,

If for nothing less than just to make your Mom happy.

This is what I've been leaning towards, since as you say I won't be changed or anything within myself. I think what it boils down to is a kind of "faith vs. religion" kind of thing.

You're only 16 (Which shocks me. You post older!)

Thanks!

Being confirmed doesn't "lock you in" for life unless you let it.

I tend to agree.

Thanks for all the advice so far folks.

[lurch]

...And besides ,,you mite meet a nice Catholic girl someday...MEL

[Lord Mhoram]

Good point, lurch.

[Dromond]

Mhoram:

I too am taken aback to learn your age... thought you were much older by your mature outlook.

Now as you know, I have tremendous issues with christianity.

I was confirmed at 12 years, along with my friends, and my advice to you is do it.

1) Make your Mom and family happy.

2) May as well do it along with your friends and classmates, and enjoy this rite along with them.

If ever you decide that it wasn't an important event in your life, there's no harm done.

I don't feel 'wronged' or anything because I was confirmed and now reject the catholic church.

But follow your heart.

[sgt.null]

being Catholic, I say go for it. you are not locked in and can go do your own thing. or maybe it will deepen your understanding...

[Avatar]

Wow, chalk up another who's surprised at your age. See, that's why I love this place. You're judged solely on the content and quality of your thoughts.

Anyway, obviously it's totally up to you. I was raised a Catholic myself, but by the time I was old enough for Confirmation, I was already well into my phase of rabid atheism, so there was no question about it for me.

Now that you know it's up to you, I can't suggest what you should do. I wouldn't do it though.

For a start, there's no reason that you couldn't do it later if you chose. But the real reason, for me, would be as Duchess said. If you're not doing it joyfully, and for yourself, it looses some of it's supposed value.

Apart from the fact that you have serious issues with important (essential) points of Catholic doctrine, to me it would be a matter of being honest with myself.

That said, there will be no harm done at all, and you might save yourself some (or a lot of) grief here and there.

The reason that I didn't was that I had already rejected not only the church, but all religion, and couldn't in honesty be confirmed. (In fact, I plan on getting myself officially excommunicated, just so that I can't get by on a technicality if I turn out to be wrong. )

Certainly you'll hear no condemnation if you do it for the sake of your family, even for the sake of peace, (I've been known to take the path of least resistance myself when I need to ), and I think that the most important thing is to do what you think is right for you.

--Avatar

[matrixman]

Just dropping into the conversation here. Not my place to advise Lord Mhoram on a personal, religious matter like this.

Wow, chalk up another who's surprised at your age.

Just like how I was shocked when I learned how young Lord Foul was. Oh, wait, he's immortal. Never mind.

I had already rejected not only the church, but all religion, and couldn't in honesty be confirmed. (In fact, I plan on getting myself officially excommunicated, just so that I can't get by on a technicality if I turn out to be wrong. )

Methinks Avatar is almost pathologically scrupulous.

[Avatar]

LMAO! Only intellectually my good sir. Only intellectually.

You're right though, it's not up to us to give advice on something so personal. But he did ask...

--A

[Lord Mhoram]

Duly noted, guys.

[Revan]

It is totally up to you Mhoram. I can't give you a fair judgement on this, nor can anyone I fear... this is your desicion; and any advice given to you by people would be baised to their beliefs. What matters are your beliefs. Do what you want.

In my opinion, (if there was a god) comfirmation would not matter to him. And it won't change who you are if you do get it.

Though if it were me, I'd follow Avatar's advice. I always do.

[duchess of malfi]

After having thought it over -- if this is going to seriously hurt your mother or other loved ones, perhaps you had better go along with it. Later on, as an independant adult, if you still feel reservations about the Church or Christianity, you can quietly leave the Church at that point.

There's never anything good to be had from needlessly hurting people who love you.

[Revan]

There's never anything good to be had from needlessly hurting people who love you.

Now I think that is unfair.

I think it's unfair that his mother should put pressure on him in the first place. It is his desicion, not his mother's. And to make it so your son would make you feel hurt if he doesn't decide a certain way is wrong, and demeaning.

He isn't needlessly hurting anyone duchess. "Oh, I'll join the church because my mother and her family will be hurt if I don't." What kind of message is that? It's demeaning to both him and the church. His mother and her family should be perfectly ready to accept his desicion without being unhappy about it.

[duchess of malfi]

Darth, perhaps, since they are really into their Church, they think that this is the right thing for him? And he is still a minor child living under their roof. That does give them a bit of input, after all.

Some parents are monstrous in what they do to their children in the name of religion. Dave's mom sounds very mellow, for instance, in comparison to my Mormon sister-in-law, who did her best to turn her son's life into living hell well into adulthood because he wasn't interested in the church (we're talking things like coming into his apartment -- that he, an adult was paying rent on and throwing out/destroying any books and CD's she didn't approve of -- that he had paid for).

[Lord Mhoram]

Darth,

You know, it really is unfair in a way, my friend. But it's something I have to live with. They are religious people, and duchess is totally right: they think it's the right thing for me, for anyone in their opinion- but especially their son, grandson, nephew, grand-nephew.

They should be ready to accept a decision, but they won't be. But they do feel this way because they love me, in my opinion.

duchess,

Yes, my mom wouldn't be angry, I don't think, or anything like that. More disappointed though.

After having thought it over -- if this is going to seriously hurt your mother or other loved ones, perhaps you had better go along with it. Later on, as an independant adult, if you still feel reservations about the Church or Christianity, you can quietly leave the Church at that point.

There's never anything good to be had from needlessly hurting people who love you.

I think this is exactly right.

[Menolly]

Certainly you'll hear no condemnation if you do it for the sake of your family, even for the sake of peace, (I've been known to take the path of least resistance myself when I need to ), and I think that the most important thing is to do what you think is right for you.

:::nodding:::

Shalom babayit (peace within the family). An important concept for all to consider.

My advice would be to think about how you would feel about yourself if you go through with it now. If you can do it to please your family without feeling guilt or remorse for doing something you're not 100% sure about, then I say go for it. But if you feel this is a ceremony you should only undertake when you feel the desire and are ready for it, then I would explain that to my family.

Perhaps you could write a song, poem, or story, depending on your muse, about your feelings and share it with your family before a final decision is made...