Loner or people-person?

[duchess of malfi]

I am very much a lone wolf, other than a few good friends and my children. (and Danlo, yes, I would include you as one of the few. )

[Gadget nee Jemcheeta]

Heheheheh..... all you lone wolfs spend a lot of time talking to each other here on the net, wot?

[Kymbierlee]

I have to say that I think I'm a lot like Cho in this department (somehow I'm not surprised at that, either.) I love to go out, talk to people, hang out with my friends, play poker, party, etc, but I have to have my alone time too. Sometimes in a crowded room I get almost panicky- especially if all of the exits are blocked by other people. I also hate elevators, and don't like people who aren't really good friends in my personal space. Basically, however, I am a social animal. I also like "socializing" here on the Watch, too.

[Iryssa]

I do like my alone time...but too much of it makes me twitchy. I'm in my element in a small group of friends (around two to four other people...five is pushing it), just hanging out with no real plan. I don't like big crowds, especially at fairs and the like...not really a fan of big parties, either, even if I do know all the people. I have this thing...if I get too many fair-weather friends etc., I tend to feel overwhelmed and pull away from all but a couple people; I won't return messages until the thrid or fourth time, if I see someone I know at the grocery store or the mall, I'll pretend I haven't seen them...that sort of thing...

[Gadget nee Jemcheeta]

I've been the most social and least social person I know, at different times. But then, I'm a creature of extremes, so that's possibly to be expected...

[Cail]

"You hate people!?!"

"But I love gatherings....Ironic, isn't it?"

Pretty much sums it up....

[Gadget nee Jemcheeta]

LOL. Good one Cail

[Khaliban]

I admit that I long for companionship every once in a while, but generally I'm a loner and a social slob to boot - I tend to offend people without realizing I've done it until much later. On the whole, I'm far more adept at reading and getting along with horses and dogs than with people. When I go to parties I usually end up hiding in a corner or clearing out rather quickly. The less people, the better off I am.

I don't see anything wrong with being a loner. We can't all be socialites, and I don't think we should be. The world needs solitary thinkers and actors. I tend to think that we loners are often survivors, too, in one way or another, and that's something to be proud of.

Wow! This is almost like looking in a mirror. I don't have horses and haven't really spent much time around them but other than that......

Parties......my son's wedding was absolute torture for me but I did manage to behave and be the proper Mother of the Groom. (Except when finally, the heals HAD to go!)

In general, I'm happiest when alone and have never seen a problem with it. My husband travels on business frequently and it's bliss when he's gone. Of course, it's fun when he comes back, too!

There are good loners and bad loners.

I suffer from a condition called Social Anxiety Disorder, and intense, phobic level fear of social interaction. It is the third most common mental illness in the US after depression and alcoholism, and it hurts like hell. One in eight people suffers from it. You might want to look into it.

Of course, I'm also stubborn and independant, so I'm both kinds of loners.

[onewyteduck]

Social Affective Disorder refers to those people who CAN'T function among others. Not those who prefer not to be around them.

I can't speak for Alynna of course but, I for one just don't like to be around a bunch of people.

Thanks for the concern though!

[Plissken]

Well, I go either way on this one. I've got four or five true and good friendships, which I have maintained since childhood. Over the years, we've moved all across the country, and we keep in touch to varied degrees.

Most days, it's enough that these people exist.

On others, it's just not.

I can go for a month not leaving my room, given the chance: Give me a sketchpad, a pile of books, and an internet connection -and an intervenous caffeine drip- and I'm happy.

Some days, though, I get very lonely, and have to surround myself with people, just to feel better.

[Avatar]

Yeah, I'm pretty anti-social myself when it comes down to it. I don't have a problem interacting with people, and I get on with pretty much everybody, but I don't really like to do it.

I've kept three friends from school really, and one of them I haven't associated with much in the last few years, since his heroin addiction pretty much destroyed any vestiges of the personality that made him my friend to begin with.

I hate crowds, and could easily go for weeks without ever having to see anybody. Of course, I live with my GF, so I guess that counts as social interaction, but beside that, I see my two good friends maybe every couple of weeks, and that suits me just fine on the whole.

Doesn't do me any harm, and on the whole, I agree with MatrixMan. Rather the serenity of loneliness than the madding crowds ignoble strife.

--Avatar

[matrixman]

I think this topic complements Nathan's 'Superficiality of Life' thread nicely.

Being a loner also means being spared the dung of superficial talk. I hardly have any meaningful conversations with anybody in my real life, save for a couple of people who aren't afraid to cut through the BS and say what's on their mind.

Actually, I can say the same for the Watch--in terms of my not having had any real, consistently meaningful exchange with anyone, except maybe once in a long while. But I respect members like Syl or dAN (and others) who aren't afraid to tell it like it is, even if it may mean rubbing others the wrong way.

[Avatar]

Actually, I can say the same for the Watch--in terms of my not having had any real, consistently meaningful exchange with anyone, except maybe once in a long while.

Yeah? Well anytime you want to try it out more frequently, we're listening. (Although how meaningful these exchanges are/can be is open to debate too.)

Actually, I derive considerable pleasure from trying to tease you into dancing across these minefields with us more often. It doesn't have much effect, but I'm gonna keep trying. I firmly believe that your increased participation will improve us. And we could all do with some improving.

C'mon MM.

--Avatar

[SoulQuest1970]

I am most certainly a people person. When I was a kid I could not handle silences and was often stricken with verbal diahrrea. I ran off some loner types. As an aduld now I don't have to issues worrying about acceptance. Either people will like me or the won't regardless of how much I do or do not talk. I am not that into large groups. I prefer to hang in a smaller circle on a day to day basis. Now I have learned the joys of having alone time now. Honestly, now I can't imagine why I would ever have been bored and lonely with myself. I can be quite entertaining! Now I have a better balance between alone time and social time. I do have a pet peeve about eye contact. I get very upset with my kids if they do not make eye contact with me. It always makes me wonder what they are hiding. Fortunately they make good eye contact with people unless they are lying. Callico is not comfortable with long periods of eye contact and that is ok as long as she resumes contact periodically. She is very shy and needs to develop a certain level of skills while she is young. I tend to feel very uncomfortable with people who rarely make eye contact with me. I don't want a stare down either, but a certain amount is only polite. As for silences, there is a difference between a comfortable silence and an awkward one. Awkward ones drive me freakin out of my ever lovin mind! I love the comfortable ones. Sometimes it is nice to just "be" with someone.

[Nathan]

Eye contact... I always keep eye contact with someone while they talk. Sometimes because I feel it makes them more comfortable, sometimes because I feel it makes them uncomfortable.

But when I'm talking I find it very difficult to maintain eye contact, it's just an automatic reation that when I'm thinking of an answer/comment I'll look away from the person I'm talking to. I suppose it's better than just doing it while I'm lying, that way people have nothing to compare it against...

[SoulQuest1970]

Eye contact... I always keep eye contact with someone while they talk. Sometimes because I feel it makes them more comfortable, sometimes because I feel it makes them uncomfortable.

But when I'm talking I find it very difficult to maintain eye contact, it's just an automatic reation that when I'm thinking of an answer/comment I'll look away from the person I'm talking to. I suppose it's better than just doing it while I'm lying, that way people have nothing to compare it against...

I also use eye contact differently. If I am with someone who feels comfortable with eye contact, then I make similar contact. With those that are not confortable with a whole lot of eye contact, I adjust for this by looking elsewhere periodically so eye contact is in short spurts. Sometimes I maintain constant eye contact (like with kids) just to make them squirm a little. Children actually seem to respond very well to eye contact... kinda like training our puppy.

When I am talking, I also look away when in thought. I think that is a pretty normal thought response. I generally maintain eye contact when I am giving my attention to the person speaking so they are aware that I care about what they have to say. When I am talking, I will look away briefly, especially when I am thinking of the best way to phrase a thought, then maintain the eye contact again as I say what I want to tell them.

[Avatar]

Eye contact? That's a weird one. Everybody has a different emphasis on it, and the main problem is that we judge others use of it by our own standards.

If somebody is talking to me, I maintain constant eye contact. If I'm talking about most anything "unimportant", like work/whatever, I'll maintain it while I talk as well. As soon as I have to talk about something personal/important, especially if it requires the ordering and sorting of my thoughts/feelings, I don't keep eye contact.

Just an interesting aside, in many African cultures, it's considered rude to maintain constant eye contact. It implies a challenge to the authority of the speaker, a serious thing in cultures which place such importance on respect for elders. Likewise, talking softly is seen to imply that you have something to hide.

And while we're on the topic, I've always thought that the insistence that you "respect your elders" to be a foolish one. Respect is earned, not doled out automatically on the basis of age. I've met people half my age who I respect more than some twice it.

--Avatar

[matrixman]

Actually, I derive considerable pleasure from trying to tease you into dancing across these minefields with us more often. It doesn't have much effect, but I'm gonna keep trying. I firmly believe that your increased participation will improve us. And we could all do with some improving.

Geez, man, you make it sound like I'm the coming of the Buddha or something. Improve you? They've got pills for that. There's more than enough talk to go around in the Close and the Think Tank with the regular gang of Not-Ready-For-SRD-Dissection Players (heh). My attitude about forum participation is this:

- If I think I have something meaningful to say, I'll post. If I don't, I won't.

- I'll drop a note to compliment good posts by other members.

And anyway, after a year and a half or so and 2000-plus posts at KW (most of which miraculously aren't from Mallory's), I think I'm entitled to slack off a bit, sheesh. Go pick on folks who have 2 posts to their name for a change, will ya?

[Alynna Lis Eachann]

There are good loners and bad loners.

I suffer from a condition called Social Anxiety Disorder, and intense, phobic level fear of social interaction. It is the third most common mental illness in the US after depression and alcoholism, and it hurts like hell. One in eight people suffers from it. You might want to look into it.

Of course, I'm also stubborn and independant, so I'm both kinds of loners.

Yeah, I'm aware of Social Anxiety Disorder. Sorry to hear that you have to deal with it... wanting to be with people and not being able to is painful - when I was a kid, first arrived here, I was complete or near-complete outcast for a long time, and it hurt like hell. Now I find I've simply grown up to, in a general sense, dislike people. One of the things that puts me off crowds, especially, is the herd mentality. Never let anyone tell you that people aren't animals.

So next Elohinfest, will it be a happy reunion for some, and the rest of us hiding out in corners? I think we're gonna run out of corners.

[dennisrwood]

i usually have just a friend or two. but i am expanding. me and the wife are one of three couples from church who try to drink/watch movies each Saturday. one of the couples brought me a bottle of good rum from their vacation in Jamaica.

i don't like much eye contact and avoid it, at prison it's not a good thing. it shows aggression and i use that to my advantage. i have stared down some rough inmates. it seems to take them by surprise, as i don't maintain eye contact much.

so we are a group of outsiders?