Loner or people-person?

[Avatar]

Alynna, fox them all and hold any gatherings in a round room.

Geez, man, you make it sound like I'm the coming of the Buddha or something. Improve you? They've got pills for that.

I tried them...over-rated to say the least. Actually, we laugh about it, but I realy do feel "improved" by my interactions here. It's making me a nicer person, and one more sensitive to the feelings of others. (No mean feat for me.)

There's more than enough talk to go around in the Close and the Think Tank with the regular gang of Not-Ready-For-SRD-Dissection Players (heh).

A dig sir? A sly dig? Touché in that case.

My attitude about forum participation is this:

- If I think I have something meaningful to say, I'll post. If I don't, I won't.

- I'll drop a note to compliment good posts by other members.

And anyway, after a year and a half or so and 2000-plus posts at KW (most of which miraculously aren't from Mallory's), I think I'm entitled to slack off a bit, sheesh.

Hmm, fair enough. Thing is though that I doubt you consider what you have to say meaningful, even when we may have a very different opinion of it should you actually post it.

Go pick on folks who have 2 posts to their name for a change, will ya?

What? And give up the pleasure of ribbing you about it? Never!

(Although...that isn't to say I can't take up a seperate campaign as well )



--Avatar

[SoulQuest1970]

So next Elohinfest, will it be a happy reunion for some, and the rest of us hiding out in corners? I think we're gonna run out of corners.

Or in my case bouncing out of a corner. This does not in any way suggest that I am hyper.

Hahahahaha... I'm too funny.

[Worm of Despite]

Eye contact? That's a weird one. Everybody has a different emphasis on it, and the main problem is that we judge others use of it by our own standards.

If somebody is talking to me, I maintain constant eye contact. If I'm talking about most anything "unimportant", like work/whatever, I'll maintain it while I talk as well. As soon as I have to talk about something personal/important, especially if it requires the ordering and sorting of my thoughts/feelings, I don't keep eye contact.

Ha! A braver man than I, sir. Whenever I'm talking to someone, I'll be looking in any direction but their eyes. I might even look over my shoulder, or I might absent-mindedly run my hand along the wall. Just today, I met a walker that I jogged past every day at the indoor track. After I finished talking to him, I noticed for the first time that I had my shirt and towel in my hand. Why did I take those out while I was talking to him? I didn't need them until after I jogged, not before! Ah well. Heh.

I dunno, sometimes I just feel that if a person were to look in my eyes long enough, they'd see something they wouldn't like. My last year of high school, a girl vindicated this as she watched me. I was looking blankly across the lunch room in thought, and she asked me if I was okay. I was rather taken aback, and I asked her why she asked that; she merely said that I "looked so alone".

Bleh. I dunno. I just feel like I'm exposing something whenever I make direct eye contact. I'm not sure what I'm exposing (I think I do know, but I just don't want to admit it).

Another thing: people I meet that always make eye contact I usually judge as superficial. Personally, I associate eye contact with open honesty, and so much honesty just seems rather blunt, to me. Of course, I'm most likely totally wrong. I mean, it's just a pair of frickin' eyes!

[duchess of malfi]

So next Elohinfest, will it be a happy reunion for some, and the rest of us hiding out in corners? I think we're gonna run out of corners.

No one can have my corner. And no one had better take it whenever Danlo and Fisty periodically pull me out of it, either.

[Cheval]

I am only a loner when there is nobody else around.
Otherwise, I am still a loner in most cases.

(Unless I feel comfortable around the group of "scientists" in white lab coats that surrounds me, studying my every move and snort, and writing down in their little notebooks my behavior and habits, then make reports to submit to their superiors... that doesn't sound too paranoid, does it?
I mean come on, doesn't EVERYONE know what a Ranyhyn is?)

[ChoChiyo]

Eye contact--I use it to suck the souls from people's bodies....but that's just me....

heh heh heh

Actually, when I'm comfortable and feeling safe and happy, I don't notice whether I'm maintaining eye contact or not...When I'm uncomfortable with someone, or with a situation, I am hypersensitive to the eye contact issue.

I like eyes, so I do tend to gaze into people's eyes when they are speaking to me--and it is true, Lord Foul, there is a lot that can be seen in the eyes of someone. They truly are the "windows to the soul."

[[Syl]]

Awesome thread. And thanks, MatrixMan, that really meant a lot to me... now being compared with dAN on the other hand...

Hmm, looking in the eyes. It's a tough question. I used to never look people in the eyes. Partly for reasons that Foul said, partly because of the reasons Av mentioned. It wasn't until my late teens that I kind of developed an 'I don't give a f***' attitude towards people and their impressions of me that I started to change that. I wanted to see into people's eyes, because you really can tell what they're thinking that way a lot of the time. And I did want to challenge people, wanted to say, 'I'm just as good as you; you flinch first.' Dunno, I guess I was too smart, too much of a loner, and raised to be too passive (easy when you don't have a positive male role model around), and then I just realized... I realized that the walls around me separating me from other people were kept in place by me, even if there are plenty of people who want to reinforce those walls from the outside. And yeah, I like my walls, but I want them to serve me, not constrain me. Part of bringing down the walls, getting close to people, involves looking them in the eye. It's like saying, 'Yeah, these are my weaknesses, and I don't care that you know.'

You know that saying "You always hurt the ones you love"? Well it works both ways.

And you can't love people that you have no vulnerability towards. The keys to friendship and betrayal are the same.

One big ramble, sorry.

Heh, and looking people in the eyes is really fun when you can make your pupils dilate at will.

[Avatar]

You can make your pupils dilate at will?!? Awesome! Any idea how you do it? I mean, is it just a question of locating an obscure set of muscles and flexing them? You know Rasputin could do it too.

Foul-- Yeah, it's weird. In fact, I have similar habits in that if I'm discussing something "serious", I too tend to fiddle a lot, look around, etc.

I think you make an excellent point their Syl, about hurting, and being hurt by, the people you love. I was actually thinking along those lines recently when we were talking about how easy it seems to post the most personal details of our lives and psyches here.

The point is that you can never disappoint strangers, because they have no expectations of you. The ones you love, on the other hand, expect the world (or seem to), and consequently can be disappointed.

Just as an aside, I don't think that the eye-contact thing, for me at least, has anything to do with how I feel about other's impressions of me. While I like being "well-regarded", I don't particularly care, especially when it comes to those strangers, what people think of me.

But yeah, I like those walls too. And it's very few who get invited inside them. (I really like that: "The keys to friendship and betrayal are the same.")

--Avatar

[matrixman]

Hey, thanks, Syl. It means something to me that my comment meant something to you. And any suggestion of a resemblance between dANdeLION and Sylvanus is purely unintentional.

I think you make an excellent point their Syl, about hurting, and being hurt by, the people you love. I was actually thinking along those lines recently when we were talking about how easy it seems to post the most personal details of our lives and psyches here.

I am very protective of my privacy, so I have perhaps revealed more aspects of myself in this thread than is wise. We should remember, after all, that this is a public internet forum, and so anybody out there can read what is here. However, for the sake of this interesting thread, I've been willing to let my guard down just a tad, though not much more than that.

[Avatar]

Sorry man, but as an aside, and just out of curiosity, is there a post that's been deleted? Not that it matters, (and afterall, if it's your post, you can delete it whenever you choose), it's just that a bit of the conversation seems to be missing, and I'm terminally curious.

I certainly share your concern for privacy, but I'm pretty much of the opinion that no matter what we say here in a public forum, it's still fairly private in terms of the fact that nobody knows who we are.

The reason that I so glady participate in such "psyche-exposing" threads is simple: I'm continually fascinated by how peoples (including my) minds work.

It amazes me constantly, and if there is one thing I love, it's the sense of wonder that I get from exploring the inside of another person's head.

I like to know why above all else. And the fact that the "why's" are always different, always so complex, so intertwined with other things, and yet, often so essentially simple that we completely misunderstand them, is another point of wonder.

I love touring the realities of other people. And I'm deeply appreciative of the fact that by participating with me to whatever extent they are willing to allow, people permit me to do just that. Maybe I'm just an intellectual voyeur?

--Avatar

[[Syl]]

You can make your pupils dilate at will?!? Awesome! Any idea how you do it? I mean, is it just a question of locating an obscure set of muscles and flexing them? You know Rasputin could do it too.

Yep, been able to do it since I was about 14 or so. Just one day I was staring at myself in the mirror, and I noticed my pupils were expanding and conracting. The light in the room was constant, so I figured the variable must be me. So I just concentrated a little bit, and... The only way I can describe it is like trying to look left and right at the same time.

Heh. One day over at a girlfriend's house, she thought she'd check my pupils with this little pen light. It kind of freaked her out when I made my pupils stay the same size. She didn't believe me until I told her to do it again, but this time let my eyes relax.

Didn't know that Rasputin could do it, though. Cool. I'll have to look into that.

[Avatar]

Damn, I can just see myself spending an hour in front of the mirror when I get home!

Yeah, in fact Rasputin was the only case of it I'd ever heard of. (Not that I looked specifically.) So I knew it was possible.

Wonder if anybody can learn to do it, or if it's just some aberration? (Not that I'm suggesting anything about yourself, you understand. )

Interesting.

--A

[SoulQuest1970]

I was actually thinking along those lines recently when we were talking about how easy it seems to post the most personal details of our lives and psyches here.

--Avatar

I am certain that I do not fall into this category.



As for eye contact, I don't make eye contact with everyone. If I make contact and I feel uncomfortable I refrain from furthur eye contact. I also don't go out of my way to make eye contact just to do it. It is natural in instinctive. Oddly enough when people see into my eyes they say they are amazed at what a truly happy person I am despite what life has dealt me. Go figure. I guess I just enjoy the good stuff too much to let all that bad stuff get me down for long. Now, when my esteem was low and I had anorexia, depression, suicidal thought, etc from age 10 until my late 20's I was not very good with eye contact. Now it just comes with being me.

[Avatar]

Like Cho, the instant I start thinking about eye-contact, (i.e. not allowing it to happen instinctively) then I become acutely aware of it. Which discourages me from making it.

And SoulQuest, it's the good stuff that counts.

--Avatar

[matrixman]

Sorry man, but as an aside, and just out of curiosity, is there a post that's been deleted? Not that it matters, (and afterall, if it's your post, you can delete it whenever you choose), it's just that a bit of the conversation seems to be missing, and I'm terminally curious.

Huh? Did I miss a joke? I haven't edited anything here, but I can certainly oblige if you'd like.

I certainly share your concern for privacy, but I'm pretty much of the opinion that no matter what we say here in a public forum, it's still fairly private in terms of the fact that nobody knows who we are.

You're entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to mine. We all have our personal standards regarding what personal information is safe to reveal and what should not be allowed to be put under the light of public scrutiny. I'm continually astonished by the level of openness people display here at the Watch. I guess the sense of friendly community (mostly) encourages it, but it's still prudent to think about what you're going to reveal about yourself before typing away.

Re: eye contact -- sure, I maintain eye contact when I'm talking to someone. It's not a big deal to me. Years of dealing with the public at my job has made it a routine thing, along with the shallow talk.

[Avatar]

Nah, actually, it was me who missed something. And now I've seen it. No worries, chalk it up to being in a hurry.

And you're absolutely right, it is prudent to consider what you're going to say carefully, in view of it being "publicy accessible".

As you suggest though, it may slip our minds because we simply feel so "at home" here.

Actually, I can't believe that I seem to be promoting what may be percieved as "laxity" with personal info. I'm generally rabid about what information I make public. (See what the Watch has done to me?)

Still, on the other hand, nothing here is anything I wouldn't be willing to give out in conversation with a stranger, and I suppose that's the real criteria for those worried about it. I mean, most of it is simply opinion, and as I'm sure you've gathered, I'm very free with my opinions.

--Avatar

[Gadget nee Jemcheeta]

For me, revealing myself on the internet is such an old habit, developed from early adolescencscse (I wasn't sure whether or not I was getting all the appropriate 's' sounds, so I mixed it up a bit), that I do it almost habitually.
I've always interacted with others on the basis of, basically, I can go as deep as you can go.
If someone wants to get dire personal with me, that's excellent. In fact, it's where I thrive. I have almost no small-talk skills, but TONS of personal communication skills.
I'm very emotionally, personal minded. That's why I'm here online as opposed to anywhere else. Because we don't do a lot of small talk.
When a thread goes into a lot of small talk, actually, is when I stop posting :p

[Loredoctor]

I'm definitely a loner. It takes alot for me to go out and do stuff with people. In the last 10 years I think I have only been to 5 parties.

[ChoChiyo]

I prefer small groups.

When the group gets too large, it overstimulates me and I get uncomfortable. Then I crawl under a table with three or four other people and we have our own quiet party down there.

Heh heh

(Seriously--I have done this more than once. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting under a table with three other people talking about everything you can imagine, and passing a bottle of wine back and forth like winos on a street corner. Heh heh.)

[variol son]

Just a question for all those who don't like crowds because they don't like small talk; when you are around others, why do you engage in small talk at all? Why not just talk about something more meaningful?

I have a friend who is like this. He will meet someone and within five minutes or so he will be asking some very personal questions. When he met me, he asked me what I used to do in my spare time. I mentioned singing, and that I used to lead worship at my old church, and he asked me how I managed to reconsile my homosexuality and my christianity.

Now to me this seemed like a very personal question, but I answered it and the next thing I knew we were talking about our own experiences of growing up, being christians, and coming out of the closet.

Now I introduce almost all of my friends to him and it amazes me every time how desperate people are to move past talk about the weather and what they did in the weekend and have some real intellectual conversation.

I'm not trying to be offensive, because I am generally more comfortable on my own or with a smaller group of close friends. I have however been challenging myself to move out of my comfort zones lately, and so I thought I'd share one small part of that challenge with you all.

Sum sui generis
Vs