Personal conundrum [Adult]

[Myste]

I agree with everyone here: sex is often marvelous--and almost completely unnecessary unless you're going to have kids (and not even necessary then). It's an excellent way of being very intimate with a person you care about, but it's not the most important sort of intimacy. For me, the best sex has been with people I cared for deeply. That's not true for everyone. There's good arguments on both sides--on the one hand, there's a whole bunch of stuff your body can do that you might miss out on. On the other, you're definitely avoiding a big, time-consuming, and literally sticky mess of potential emotional complication.

The thing is, everyone's got sex hormones to greater or lesser extents, and everyone's sex drive works differently. That sex drive is also affected by personal standards, beliefs, experiences, etc., and none of those are the same from one person to the next. The worst thing you can do is try to impose someone else's standards on your own body.

Do what you want, baby. Enjoy the pr0n, eat some pizza, whatever. Just be happy doing it.

[Plissken]

I hate to sound sappy, but a good rule of thumb is this: No sexual encounter that lists the actions as something like, "I did this to them, they did this to me" (or Lurch's even more impersonal "Just do IT!") stands a chance on the intensity scale compared to one where the word "We" is used instead.

[firelion]

Here's my 2 cents:Sex is fun and it feels good-but it has baggage.I will not go into detail,but lets just say the first time is either a disaster,or a moment of great discovery-a WOW moment in your life if you will.My wife and I are both very self conscious about our bodies-I think she is beautiful,but I also think she does not believe me,she says that I am goodlooking and a good performer to me-but I don't believe her,and I always worry about holding out until erummm she has had her fun.See even in a long term commited relationship sex has baggage-its great but heavy at the same time-see what I mean?

[Avatar]

I'm gonna go with the majority here, and say don't worry about it. If you just go with the flow, it's the sort of thing that tends to happen once you stop seeking it out.

And no, it's not vital. Pleasant, enjoyable, whatever superlative you care to append, you won't die any sooner for lack of it, nor live longer for having it.

It's a great pity that today's notion of "manhood" is so inextricably intertwined with sex, but "popular" social perspectives often have little or nothing to do with reality.

As someone said, you need a lot more balls to start this thread than to go and get some random partner to "prove" you're a "man".

Take it easy, don't worry about it, and enjoy it when it happens and the time is upon you. As FireLion suggests, it can be complicated at the best of times, and comes with its own problems.

As long as you're not obsessing about it, (or the lack thereof), I wouldn't worry. (Not that I get the sense that you are.)

If it never happens, never feels right, you'll be no less the person that you are already. And if it does, you'll scarcely be more.

It's certainly not the be all and end all that Lurch's posts seem to suggest. You're in no way diminished if you never get around to it, nor noticeably enhanced if you do.

When I think of all the fuss that's so often raised around this issue, I'm totally nonplussed. It's great, its fun, its an experience (best had with somebody you truly connect with on a spiritual/emotional/metaphysical/whatever level) that you can easily live without.

Perhaps some "richness" is not gained. Perhaps. All too often that "richness" turns out to be far shallower than you expect, especially in the context of Lurch's suggestions.

--Avatar

[drew]

4) Find the clitoris. If you can't, ask her to show you. This is extremely important

Why bother, unless you're the girl?

[Nathan]

I've never had sex either Foul (David), and I'd be interested in trying it out. This thread has been useful to me as well. I was under the impression I was part of a very rare minority being a virgin at 18.

Oh well, I'm sure I'll get round to it at some point.

[lurch]

Nathan, Nathan, Nathan...you guess,,when you get around to it..?..See, there is an obvious thing ya gotta know, something the rest of the crew here has either forgotten or ignored..Its real simple. Its all in the symbol of the male and the female...The female is the circle with a cross or plus sign extended off of it, right?..and what is the male symbol?..yeaaa,,
the circle with an ARROW , a pointer, comin off of it.

..Now, what does that arrow/ pointer mean?..It seems to me that it denotes a certain amount of Fowardness,,an aggressiveness,,yea, the Rocket goin to the moon,,the ice breaker churning thru the North sea,,you know, all the cliche's,,train in tunnel, etc. The male is foward motion,,foward movement,you know, the little spermies wiggling their way to the egg,,,etc.

So,,no,,women don't hang around waiting for the guy who guesses and waits for it to happen to him. Loosing your virginity isn't something that happens to you. Loosing your virginity is something You Make Happen. Thats being Male. I mean, women are busy doing it with guys who make it happen. That is what draws women to their man. Go to any social place and just stand or sit there waiting for whatever to happen to you and chances are darn good , that nothing will happen.

Be aggressive, take the iniative, steer the converstaion, suggest the possibilities, be pro-active..yea, yea, there is an art to it all, and that comes with experience and wisdom,,but You have to take the first step,,Foward. Otherwise, you'll be a XX year old virgin with still no idea of what the other half of the human species is about. Its your loss...MEL

[Plissken]

Be aggressive, take the iniative, steer the converstaion, suggest the possibilities, be pro-active..yea, yea, there is an art to it all, and that comes with experience and wisdom,,but You have to take the first step,,Foward. Otherwise, you'll be a XX year old virgin with still no idea of what the other half of the human species is about. Its your loss...MEL

And don't worry about punctuation or coherent conversation.

Those are for overly-sensitive wimp-boys.

[Warmark]

Be aggressive, take the iniative, steer the converstaion, suggest the possibilities, be pro-active..yea, yea, there is an art to it all, and that comes with experience and wisdom,,but You have to take the first step,,Foward. Otherwise, you'll be a XX year old virgin with still no idea of what the other half of the human species is about. Its your loss...MEL

And don't worry about punctuation or coherent conversation.

Those are for overly-sensitive wimp-boys.

[Nathan]

Loosing your virginity isn't something that happens to you. Loosing your virginity is something You Make Happen.

I'm sure I'll get around to it sometime. Probably at Uni, when I'm not still living with my parents and I no longer have an 11 o'clock bedtime.

[High Lord Tolkien]

Foul, here are some new possible avatars for you!

www.compfused.com/directlink/244/

"He raves"

[lurch]

PUNCUATION AND COHERENCY?
WE don’t need stinkin Puncuation and coherency!
WHY?!
Because we’re MEN!
Men Men Men Men
Some say Mars we came from,
Neanderthal and dumb.
If ya find our grunts alien,
We’ll kick you in the bum!
Men Men Men Men
Men Men Men Men
One voice is in our head,
One at a time ‘room for;
Above the noise and the crowd,
Its always,” whats the score?”
Men Men Men Men
Men Men Men Men
With age we shrink and sag…………………
Memory sianara…………………………….
Heck!, who needs that, as long as,
There Pfizers Purple Viagra!
Men Men Men Men
Men men men men ad infinitum…....MEL

[Kymbierlee]

Mel, you are a piece of work. I have to say that! LOL.

Anyway- LF, here is my take on it.

As a Pagan, I celebrate sex. It is fulfilling, spiritual, and uplifting if it's with someone you care about and who cares about you. Sex between two consenting adults should always be special to both, and no one should ever feel coerced or be hurt by the process. I am not saying you have to be married, or even in a long term relationship, as long as both parties have respect for each other and care enough about the other person to ensure that no one is hurt by it. If it harms none, do as you will. I hope it works out for you, no matter what you choose. I am sure some lucky girl will come along that appreciates you for your personality, brains, wit, etc and you will do what you feel is right under the circumstances. Don't feel pressured to do anything you aren't ready for, and I really think Lurch is probably just ribbing you. At least I hope that's all he is doing.

Now, after reading all of these wonderful posts, I think I am going to go take a cold shower.....

Kym

[lurch]

..Lord Foul and Nathan!!..take notice! See,,Kim has been so kind to afford an opportunity. This is where I'd say.".Kim, My Thoughts and Prayers are with you." .......see, no foul,(imho anyway) no harm,,but a foward motion.

Thank you Kim for being there. Great post on your part. Thanks again! Art has been created!..without your kindness it couldn't have happened.
Take a bow,,wOow, woof!..MEL

[wayfriend]

CNN: One in 100 adults asexual
About one percent of adults have absolutely no interest in sex, according to a new study ...

[Lady Revel]

Lurch said:

So,,no,,women don't hang around waiting for the guy who guesses and waits for it to happen to him.

Patently not true. I have absolutely no problem taking the initiative.

[Alynna Lis Eachann]

Lurch said:

So,,no,,women don't hang around waiting for the guy who guesses and waits for it to happen to him.

Patently not true. I have absolutely no problem taking the initiative.

And I have no problem slapping random men who take the initiative without permission. This, I think, is true for many women.

Put your face a little closer to the screen, lurch...

[Lady Revel]

:lols:

[Vector]

I don't think anyone should take the 100% first step. Rather sexual courtship is series of flirtatious exhanges which lets you build up the mood, and also allows you to communicate to the other that perhaps further advances are welcome - or that they are not.

[Plissken]

I don't think anyone should take the 100% first step. Rather sexual courtship is series of flirtatious exhanges which lets you build up the mood, and also allows you to communicate to the other that perhaps further advances are welcome - or that they are not.

Let's just pretend that I've just given my 3-Martini Lecture on Sadness About the Death of Proper Flirtation.