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[emotional leper]

Nope, I'm not.

[matrixman]

Dear Joan,

You crazy woman, it's bad enough that you left me, but did you have go marry that Foul bastard?

Sigh. Anyway, I still love ya. I'm going to a convention next week. Guy named Donaldson will be there, too. Heard of him? I might've mentioned him - he's a pretty good writer, maybe even better than me, haha. Anyway, he'll be reading some bits from his new book. I'd still like you to join me if you can. If not the convention, maybe you can meet me for a coffee after. Hope to see you.

Tom

[A Gunslinger]

Welcome to the watch!

[emotional leper]

Dear Joan,

You crazy woman, it's bad enough that you left me, but did you have go marry that Foul bastard?

Sigh. Anyway, I still love ya. I'm going to a convention next week. Guy named Donaldson will be there, too. Heard of him? I might've mentioned him - he's a pretty good writer, maybe even better than me, haha. Anyway, he'll be reading some bits from his new book. I'd still like you to join me if you can. If not the convention, maybe you can meet me for a coffee after. Hope to see you.

Tom

Sorry, Groveller, she's clearly made her choice. Don't make me make her get a restraining order.

Anyway, what about that tart, Linden, you've been shacking up with? Hmm?

Yours in Despite,

Foul.

[matrixman]

Dear Foul,

Y'know, I figured you had gotten your paws on my message to Joan.

I just don't get what she sees in you. She coulda been happily married to a bestselling author, but no, she has to pack up and go live with a maniac from another dimension. And I don't know how she puts up with your body odour problem.

Don't you start on Linden, guy. I know you'd love to mess her up, too if you could.

Anyway, I'll talk to you later as well.

Sarcastically yours,
"White Gold Groveller"

[Menolly]

[Joan Foul-Wife]

Oh, Tom!

You've already lost everything, and you don't even realize it yet!

You can't feel it, can you? Numb. Bereft.

You sold your very soul to save me.

Yet of my own freewill, I have given myself over to Despite!! You are lost!!

Argh!

Joan Foul-Wife

P.S. Not even Linden can save you now!!

[Menolly]

Oooo...

This is gonna get good.

...setting up voyeur telescope...

[Cameraman Jenn]

Dear Joan,

I may have made the mistake of giving you back your white gold ring, you blood lusting loony, but I will not make the mistake of failing Tom. I will save him and the Land and everything else from you, your foul husband and your obnoxious son.

Hugs,

Linden

P.S. I can't believe this is the thanks I get for making sure you had fresh flowers and the best of care for 10 years....

[Menolly]

Mom...

What the HELL are you doing??

Jeremiah

[Cameraman Jenn]

Dear Jeremiah,

When the hell did you learn to speak or even emote? I can't believe that is the first thing you ever said to me! Sheesh! Everyone's a critic.

Love,

Your mother.

[Joan Foul-Wife]

Oh Linden!

Jeremiah's words are soothe! You are a better wife to Despite than I could ever hope to be ! And you don't even know it! Blinded by Dirt.

Tom's damnation, the Land's damnation - it's all your fault!

Thank you so much for the flowers.

warm wishes,
Joan

P.S. At least I never killed my own mother.

[drew]

Dear Linden,

I Hope this finds you in time,

I am not actually dead, but am living under an assumed name in Red Deer Alberta.

Don't...I repeat DO NOT go back into the land.

My son Roger, apparantly, has plans to go to theLand, and take your son Jerry with him. If he tries, just call his bluff. Don't go back to the old summoning spot behind Haven Farm; if you do that, you'll just provoke him to go all the way. if you just ignore, everything will be fine. I'm catching the bus to get back there as soon as I can, in the Meantime, I've contacted Sherrif Lytton with all the info, I know he seems harsh, but you can trust him...just DON"T go back to the woods with Roger, and EVERYTHING will be FINE>

-Tom.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Dear Tom,

What do you mean you aren't dead! Think of all the leper nooky we could have been having! I'm sorry if I weirded you out that last time when I put my.... oh never mind. Anyway, it's too late to warn me about that woods thing.

I miss you,

Love,

Linden

P.S. Your son is in need of some serious discipline.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Dear Joan,

How can you say it's all MY fault? Aren't you responsible for failing in the raising of your son so that he became a bad egg? Seriously Joan, if you had the puissance of the Staff to clean the Kevin's Dirt from your own eyes you would realize that you are the perfect bride for Foul. You certainly made Foul a father figure to Roger. Sheesh.

You are so totally welcome for the flowers.

Linden

P.S. I killed my mother out of compassion. Think of it as euthanizing a dying dog that's in incredible pain. It was the merciful thing to do, really, I mean it. You should so totally believe me. Really you should.

[Menolly]

Dear Jeremiah,

When the hell did you learn to speak or even emote? I can't believe that is the first thing you ever said to me! Sheesh! Everyone's a critic.

Love,

Your mother.

Awww Mom...!

Whadja expect, woman? Sunshine and flowers, like you gave that raving lunatic? I'm a teenage male for chrissakes! You know...teen angst, raging hormones---whoa!!! Get a load of that hot eh-brand babe...

:::whistles:::

Jeremiah

[Avatar]

Welcome to the Watch Joan...as you can see, everybody is completely insane. Except me.

--A

[Usivius]

Dear 'Joan',
I am sorry you had to hear the bickering of characters outside the confines of their pages, but that is what happens when their writer truns his back ("the mice will play when the cat is away...")

However, I bear no ill will to anyone for being themselves and will say sorry on their behalf at any chance I get.
Why?...
Because "I am Canadian."



cheers and welcome!

[Cameraman Jenn]

OH NO! The world is turned upside down! The day has come when Avatar is declared more sane than the rest of us!

[Joan Foul-Wife]

Why is this described as insane? This seems much like coming home.

Blood. Tasty blood. Yum!!

yours in sanity,
Joan Foul-Wife