Stephen C. McKinney Memorial Thread (1969-2001)

[Menolly]

Well, we're not your physical family, but we are your interwebz dysfunctional family. So...

[Furls Fire]

August 3, 1998 2:47am

I believe God takes us places in our dreams. He took me to one a moment ago. Finding the reason why, is beyond me. Maybe it was just to bring me a certain joy, and has no reason at all, only that it just is. Who can explain the ways of our God? Why show someone as unworthy as me such a glorious place? How do I warrant such gifts?

When I opened my eyes it was there
Dreamlike in the night, the air filled
With the fragrance of jasmine flowers.
It stood there, spacious, with a thatched roof.
The room cool, lit by inner glow.
And a garden full of flowers, an old well ensconced
With the jasmine.
I drew to its grace, a saint had lived there once,
Whose presence now became the silence enshrined
Within the walls, the divine aura.
And I thought, Heaven must be like this.

--Stephen C. McKinney

He brought me to the house of a saint. Oh I knew it in the instant I walked inside. Such beauty, I am humbled.

As I hung between worlds in the OR and in CCU, my brother came and took me to his cottage. Glorious grace, light..it's beauty, my brother's beauty drove me to my knees. I watched as all those who had entered and left my life because of AIDS gathered around the well, their faces conveying pure joy. My father was there, Isaiah was there, Lynne was there, Silezia was there (my precious daughter), Alex was there, and many more that you all here have never met or knew about. They all gathered and whispered gratitude to me. I wanted to hug them all, embrace them. But I couldn't move, I couldn't bring myself to rise up from my knees. Stephen knelt beside me then and enwrapped his glory around me.

"You see them." He said.

"Yes, of course I do." I replied.

"They are the ones that come and go."

"The doves?" I felt the tears flowing down my face, I felt his embrace tighten.

"Yes. Do you know what else?"

"No."

"They, we, I are the ones who hold you, will hold you, when you go back."

At that moment, I did not want to go back. I wanted to stay in this divine grace, this light, this joy, this peace. How can one be brought to Heaven and then choose to leave it?

"Stephen..."

"Tracie, to comfort you, I brought you here and they came here. Only for a short time. Would you leave your family now to stay? Is that what you prayed for? Or was it for the strength to ride out the storm as it rages and riles against you?"

I smiled at him then and he back at me. "You know the answers."

"So do you." His love penetrated every part of my essence then, and joy washed over me like the waters from the River. They came then, all of them, they came and each one embraced me. I looked into each of their eyes and they all said "thank you".

How long was I there? Days as we here measure time, but while there, it was all too brief. Yet, the gift is eternal, and it is as vivid now as it was while I was there. I could not forget it if I tried.

There are no words in the world that can describe how beautiful and glorious Heaven is. And when I go there to stay...Ah, joy is too short a word to express how I will feel.

[duchess of malfi]

Huggles everyone!! I love you!!

We love you, too, and it is wonderful to see you well enough to post!

[Auleliel]

Glad that you're feeling a little better, Furls.

Your description of Heaven is, well, heavenly.

[Edge]

Furlsy!

[Avatar]

Yeah, let's hope it's a long while yet huh Furls? We need you more than they do. (And anyway, you've obviously got more lives than a cat so... )

--A

[Furls Fire]

Huggles everyone!! I love you!!

We love you, too, and it is wonderful to see you well enough to post!

Duchy

Glad that you're feeling a little better, Furls.

Your description of Heaven is, well, heavenly.

Brian

Yeah, let's hope it's a long while yet huh Furls? We need you more than they do. (And anyway, you've obviously got more lives than a cat so... )

--A

Don't make me laugh, Av...it hurts!!

[SoulBiter]

Nice to see you posting and feeling better. Im also glad that Stephen helped you strengthen your spirit and gave you that gift.... See how many lives you touched and that whats too short a time here with these people is nothing compared to the time in heaven? Welcome back!

[Furls Fire]

Nice to see you posting and feeling better. Im also glad that Stephen helped you strengthen your spirit and gave you that gift.... See how many lives you touched and that whats too short a time here with these people is nothing compared to the time in heaven? Welcome back!

Oh yes, I see it clearly, vividly. I cherish such gifts. Here and now, that is what matters. My life's work is far from finished. Eternity will have to wait awhile.

[aliantha]

Good to hear from you, Furls. Hang in there!

[Furls Fire]

Ali

[Avatar]

Don't make me laugh, Av...it hurts!!

They'll never take your sense of humour.

--A

[Furls Fire]

Never.

Well, I was able to get up and walk across the room today. Might do it again this evening, if my heart rate is still stable. Have no idea why it's doing what it's doing. It races at times, then slows way down, skips beats, it's really being erratic, makes no sense at all. Right now it's holding steady at 88.

My chest xray yesterday was clear, no spots or fluid...so yay!

Blood tests still show sepsis, but it's under control. Liz says it can take up to two weeks to get rid of it.

So...all in all, I'm on way back. Just need to get my strength back and recover from the surgery. THEN, we can start chemo! Fun times ahead!

[duchess of malfi]

No telling (yet!!) what is causing your heart to act that way. Mine acted up with palpitations, etc. due to my thyroid being whacked out. Maybe you should have them check out your thyroid blood levels just in case... Because there are medical conditions such as thyroid issues that can cause heart weirdness that even doctors do not immediately think of...

They just need to think of the right tests, and they will eventually figure it out.

[Fist and Faith]

If I could draw to save my life, I'd draw the Old Mage's cottage. I imagine if you saw what I see in my mind, you'd say, "Yup! That's where Stephen took me!" Heh

[Furls Fire]

No telling (yet!!) what is causing your heart to act that way. Mine acted up with palpitations, etc. due to my thyroid being whacked out. Maybe you should have them check out your thyroid blood levels just in case... Because there are medical conditions such as thyroid issues that can cause heart weirdness that even doctors do not immediately think of...

They just need to think of the right tests, and they will eventually figure it out.

My thyroid was actually already tested and the levels were good. So who knows? I may just be the sepsis....

If I could draw to save my life, I'd draw the Old Mage's cottage. I imagine if you saw what I see in my mind, you'd say, "Yup! That's where Stephen took me!" Heh

I have several drawings that Stephen did of the cottage. When you come next summer...and you are coming next summer...I'll show them to you.

[Harley Guy]

Hey all, Tracie had a rough day. Spiked another temp and has been seizing. She's back in CCU, with fever and irregular heart rate. Not sure what the problem is, most likely a sepsis flare up, even though we thought it was under control.

Keep the prayers coming.

Thanks all,

Russ

[Fist and Faith]

Like I said in my text, if my arms were long enough to hug you from here. All of you.

[duchess of malfi]

Like I said in my text, if my arms were long enough to hug you from here. All of you.

Absolutely.

[Savor Dam]

Keep the prayers coming.

That we will...

Knowing Tracie even as minimally as I do, I expect she is striving to qualify for earliest possible release. While she can only be who she is (and who she is beloved for being), this may not be the best path to her recovery. Easy does it. Let healing occur in it's time; do not rush it. When the path is long, a sustainable pace is key!